Tired. Just tired.
I'm sick of school. I'm sick of going to school literally every single effing day. I'm sick of thinking about my subjects and wishing that I could live up to my sisters expectations. I'm sick of the each and every time I complain, others will give me the look. I'm sick of being envious of others. I'm sick of living in my sister's shadow.
I am sick of the stupid politics in class. I am sick of being sick of others. I'm sick of saving my stupid money so I can please my mother. I'm sick of not being able to splurge 'cos I don't have money. I'm sick of starving everyday. I'm sick of always trying so hard to keep up with projects when people don't even give me the files to begin with. Much less email it to me when I ask them to.
I'm sick of stupid teachers who gives the I'm-not-biased speech during Lesson One and the next lesson, she goes all "I-Hate-You" attitude. I'm sick of the tutorials that I always have to do beforehand. I am sick of the continuous projects that the teachers pile on us. I'm sick that I can't wake up late due to projects. I'm sick of not being able to buy anything. I'm sick of POLITICS in a certain group of friends. I'm sick sick sick of not being able to buy my Mangas for the PAST 3 WEEKS as I've been trying so hard to save money. I'm sick that I couldn't go to Marché with Darryl and Furt because it was Furt's first time there and I've always wanted to go there with him, adding on to the fact to celebrate Darryl's grandma's recovery. I'm sick that I can't even buy my favourite clothes when I see them. I'm sick of sleeping so late and waking up early.
I'm sick of not being able to attend Archery. I'm sick of doing the PTs and being exhausted, not really able to do my work after that and that I've not complained. I'm sick of having training and then having a FULL SCHEDULE just to meet my friends and not even nap in between. I'm sick of NOT BEING ABLE TO EVEN MAKE UP FOR THE SUNDAYS THAT I CAN'T EVEN WAKE UP ON AND TURNING UP ON WEDNESDAY! I'm sick that our timetable ends so FUCKING LATE EVERYDAY. I'm sick of missing 3 sessions of Archery consecutively. I'm sick of keeping all this shit into myself. I'm so sick of poly life that I wish I were back in the secondary days.
I'm sick of not being able to see my friends from secondary school till I just feel like crying. I'm sick of being emo and crying. I'm sick of everything. I'm sick of studying so hard and when people ask me why I study JUST FOR A PETTY TEST, they wouldn't understand. I'm sick of the petty results to go along with the PETTY TESTS I've been getting lately, and to add on the fucking projects due within the week.
I'm sick of not having my sanity. I'm sick of worrying if the stupid Beng is around the corner each and everytime I turn. I'm sick of the phobia of getting into arguments with a beng. I'm sick of the phobia of everytime I see a Beng, I just wanna avoid him completely while forcing myself not to. I'm sick of my menstruation and I'm sick of practically everything. I'm sick of ranting out to people and they try to give me solutions when all I wanted was a ear to rant to and not some Aunt Agony. I'm just so sick. And I'm sick of my Dad's foul black mood due to his backache which I can't blame him for. I'm sick of worrying how everyone is 24/7.
I'm sick of myself and I'm sick of ranting.
I know I'll be okay in the end. My 4.6 classmates and LAN gang, please don't worry for me. And I love you guys. :)
But for now.
Please pretend you've not read this emo post and ignore me. Close the "X" button at the top right-hand corner of your browser.
Thank you.
Get into good uni
Whooshies!
January 2007