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Tuesday, January 30, 2007; 11:39 pm

Worries of the World... My World.

You know. it's been ages eh? And now, new worries have been popping up.

Well, at least I talked it out with Shar. Errr... On MSN. About about how things are with the gang. And it's sad to see that we're kinda falling apart. Not say falling apart. But more likely, Lesser time and space between us. IF you do know what I mean. Everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. Is falling apart. Except of our individual relationships with certain people I suppose. But it's sad. And sometimes, it can be too much for one to bear.

You know, I've been sentimental lately. And I've been thinking and realising that, with each step we take in our lives, we can either make memories or break memories.

Which is why you have to look before you leap. Something I learnt the hard way.

But anyway, it's not only me. The rest have been feeling the same thing too. And I think it's really sad. But at least, I hope with the place ready (UNCLE FASTER!!!) We may get back together again. And I long for those moments to return to. But I know it can never be replaced.

Which is why I've been thinking. Would any of the rest come back again? Have fun, play together? Now that most of us are going to either JC or Poly or studying for our O levels, would everything be the same again?

Same goes with the SOB. It's been a whole long while since we sat the the "besto place" and had a looong chat session/fooling around. In fact, we never had one this year. Due to JC hectic schedules, working schedules and busy personal lives, we have all been prevented from seeing each other for more than 6 hours in a loooongg looonggg errr... Month?

*Sigh* Why is it so hard to accept this? It's been ages. It's like I want my old life back. To the past. But I know that I can't change it and everyone has to move on. But it seems like I can't. I'm not ready.

Not like this.

*sigh* you know, I watched this movie called "Gridiron Gang" today. And I found it really cool. And it reminded me of our lives in terms of perspective. It made me think of this quote that I used to read in one of those teenage novels you can find sitting in some ulu corner of the Bedok Library one the first floor. "You can only move forward. Not back. You can't alter the past. You have to remember it. And move on along with the memories into the future."

I can't tolerate this. My friends are all unhappy about some personal stuff in their lives and all I can do is just selfishlessly watch them struggle whle I try to take their hand. Desperately trying to grab ahold of it. You know bestie, sometimes, I wonder when I can even talk to you and have a heart-to-heart conversation. Where we aren't separate by districts, by streets, by pedestrians, by time schedules. But I'm here. Right here. A phone call away to come to you and hear you out. :D And as for you ICG, I miss you too. And as a friend, I WOULD be concerned you know? I think maybe your bestie might've called you or something since she was concerned and kept on bugging me. Hey. What are friends for? Me and your bestie would always be hear to hear you out. Heck. You know, don't do this to yourself. Don't abuse or hurt yourself in all aspects. Physically, emotionally, etc. I'm worried for you as a friend. And your bestie might be the most worried out of all your friends too. Despite her not having a blog, she still wants to listen to what you have to say. And she says.... She's worried, concerned, and she called you the other night around 11PM++ after reading your latest news. And your mum scolded her. XD She says she sends her apologies for waking your mum up. (God... Why am I the middleman as usual???) But just to say that she misses you dearly. And I DO TOO!

And Shar, I'll try to tell you what I can if I am loaded. But time and space constraints us so. Which makes it even harder than what we used to do. I miss you. (What the heck. I miss everyone. =___=) I miss Mel Q. I miss Cheryl. Both Cheryls. I miss Luanie. (YOU DOO DOO!) I MISS SOB! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUUUUU GUUUUYSSSS??? And I also miss you Jit. One of my best buds too. We're all so cooped up in our little world that we don't even realise that we have even lost touch. (Hopefully not... *crosses fingers*) *sigh*

Ramble is over. Maybe I'll talk more of my day sooner or later. Morning shift tomorrow. *groans*

Ciaos and g'nites.

Oli

Digital Love by Daft Punk
The time is right to put my arms around you
You're feeling rightYou wrap your arms around too
But suddenly I feel the shining sun'
Before I knew it this dream was all gone

Monday, January 22, 2007; 5:14 pm

A Learning Journey

Why on earth is it so hard to let go?

Why on earth is it so frightening to be lonely?

Why on earth is there is such a thing as separation?

You know, I miss everyone. I miss Mel Q. Mummy. Where art thou?

I miss Mel C. I don't have a clue as to what on earth she's doing in her JC. All I get is a response like: sweet place and fun shit! :D

..... No descriptions. I know I know. I know she doesn't want to talk about how things are going. Bad stuff that no one would want to reminisce but yet, I just wanna let her know I'm here to talk to. To be with. To share your joys and pain. That's what best friends are for. Instead of bottling it up inside and to just let it out. However, it's like... We're aliens.

... Where are you?

I miss Cheryl Tan. The heart-to-heart sessions. The talks an being confidantés during the "trial". The tuitions. We ain't gonna have those anymore.

...

I miss Sharon.

Not going to elaborate. Under certain circumstances. But I do miss her. It's like... So near yet so far. It's like I kinda envy someone, but I know I Just Can't Help It. It's to the point where I'm turning into an Emo Kid. Something has been taken away and you can feel it's absence.

Being concerned for someone while teasing sure plays a hard role. Especially when you get funny nicknames back. And sometimes, it hurts. Because you know things are never gonna be the same. It's not like sisters anymore. No matter how hard you try to let it be, Shar. It's not the same anymore.

You know, I'm starting to realise that Krishna was right. He so is. Everything comes together only to go apart again. And it hurts. It hurts a whole lot. Truth can be so harsh to the point that I just wanna live in my own fantasy and not wake up.

As I write this, the river flows, the waves crash and the waters comes to a dead end. Time passes and I surrender to its clutches. Taking up the sack, it proves to be a long and harsh journey with thunder clouds and blisters ahoy. But the outside can prove to be such a deceitful and all but a pack of lies. A pack of lies, that refuses to face the music. Yet, you just know that one day you can be alright again.

But not for now.

You know, people have always known me to be the boisterious, jumpy, old little fella that can't stand being called short. Yet, "A smile can cover a million tears." (Only on rare occasions though. Not Oli for nothing.) Remember that.

I may not be what I seem.

Yet I do.

The truth yet not the truth. I'm naive to the world. ((really... I can notice minute details yet miss out on the whole picture. Or do the vice versa.)) A 3rd party who watches the world go by. Couples everywhere, love flows through time and stuff taken, deed never forgotten.

*sigh* I'm not as simple as I look. But yet I know I'm a simple-minded person. Ironically, I think too much for my own good. Yet I forget what I think. (which is stupid I may say so myself *smiles*)

I have to continue to try. No matter how hard. No matter how lonely. Spread my wings and fly once more, soaring the skies. I have to continue to struggle within myself. It's not others that should be taking the blame but myself. Blame it on my attachment if you must. *I NEED A SCISSORS! WHERE ART THOU?!!!* But "No one wants to be lonely" right? Even so, I gotta face it on with an open eye. Although, the journey will be tough, but deep inside, I know it can bring new discoveries. About myself and everyone around me.

But on the other hand,

It doesn't matter whether I get a thousand and one scoldings from Maggie Mee. (My supervisor)
It doesn't matter whether I get a thrashing from my parents or an overworkout from my job.
It doesn't matter whether I get a notice from my parents saying we have to migrate. (No worries. Not happening)
It doesn't matter whether I am half dead on my hospital bed.
It doesn't matter whether I have a totally packed schedule.
It doesn't matter whether I am going through a heartbreak myself.

Because YOU matter to me more than anything that ever happens to me. All of you out there. My dear ones. My closest friends. My bestie.

"Cherish what you have. For you may never know when you might lose them." and "Once taken for granted, now lost, and currently, longing." Friends can be so important yeah? Though, "Friends come and go but families will always be there.", I believe that friends play an even more crucial role to molding your life.

Enough said. I'm tired from being emo. All I'll do now, is just to rest well and charge my body for later. I'm not Oli if I'm too moody for far too long. too much Cheemilogy. Seriously, I think it's just the periods.

Welp. Time for me to be happy again. In fact, blogging can take a WHOOOLE load off your shoulders. Some stressball reliever for me. However...

I know some thoughts will never be shared.

Good day to you all out there and cheerios.

Oli

*bokutachi wa kono nagai
tabiji no hate ni nani o omou
dare mo minna ai motome
samayou tabibito nan darou
tomo ni ikou akiru hodo ni

English Translations
At the end of this long path,
what will we think?
Everyone is a traveller,
wandering about in search of love.
Let's go together until we tire of it.

~Ayumi Hamasaki (Voyage)

Tuesday, January 16, 2007; 1:30 pm

Happy happy day! ~~~ NOT.

Yo! A coupla days ago (Literally), I was in such a bad mood, but with a full stomach, I finally have the energy to type something.

Which is what i'm doing now. (Silly me.)

UNFORTUNATELY, something happened to dampen my mood again. And now I'm back to Miss Ol' Grumpy. you know, being grumpy take a whole lot out of you. I need another manga to make me happy. SCHIZER. Freaks of nature. This month/this week is sooooo not my lucky week. Especially when I KNOW I'm having my mood swings and I can't help a damn about it.

Well apparently, "someone" is putting the blame on me. I spammed him with two loooong emoticons and kenna his computer hang. WTF. Like I know that he never save his work. I try my best to fix the solution for offering the rest of my FREE TIME (which is what I rarely have nowathese days) to fix the bloddy solution, before I go to work and tire myself again (esp now that I've a totally LOST appetite for the past week). Okay. I really don't mind typing 130 pages of scripts and whatever shit codes they have 'cos I can learn. But apparently he blames it on me. He says that he can't find it in the recovery folder. What a load of bullcrap.

Signing in just now, I see another thing that made me SOOOO ~~MAD~~ PISSED...

"I've saved everything to muh ipod and another flash drive just to be safe."

One word. I do NOT like to be FOOLED. To be all panicky. Then realised, that it was all a JOKE. Especially. When. I. Am. In. Miss. Ol'. Grumpy. Mood. oh. And guess what. he only has 18 contracts to do. Not 130. Wow. So MUCH for being bored at work.

I am pissed. I'm fine with the whole Sunday situation. That was pretty much passé. But this has gone way too far. I can't even complain about my days of work now. Fine, maybe I will.

You know the thing is, the work is damn stressful especially if you have no watch? you always have to look at the time and I don't even have the FARKING TIME to even BUY a new watch much less type this bloddy entry. Night after night I get home at 12mn when I'm supposed to be asleep but I can't 'cos I just frigging showered. Sleep? WHAT SLEEP? i sleep like at 2or 3am every fugging nght. The seniors at work keep on mixing me up with the "commands" I don't know what to do. (EG: Method of washing, cleaning, what time to frigging put aside the trays.) It makes me so muddled up and I just so darn stressed over it. I am P.I.S.S.E.D. and worried myself SICK over work. (even though I don't show it.)

What's more, Maggie is the one supervising this week. Not Kim.

I reach there punctually on time at 4pm she also not happy. Like WTF?! This means that every single little mistake she will pin-point like a mad idiot. Seriously. I mean it. And this has been taking a toll on my appetite. ((wait a moment. I go weigh myself.)) 42KG. That's 1KG lesser than my actual weight. ZZZZZ. Schizer. I'd rather have morning shift. I wish I could. WITH KIM. Not with Maggie. I swear I have Maggie-phobia after this whoe bullcrap. Not to mention Poh Tin. ((seriously naggy.))

I don't feel like complaining anymore. I'm just so darn sick and tired of work. I wish I could try out morning shift. No matter how hectic it is. No rushing home after work. Even if I rushed, it would be to rush during the shift, which I seriously don't mind. I don't mind waking at 5am everyday just to have a quiet time to go back home at my own pace. No rushing home to practice DJMax or whatever games I love. I don't even have AMPLE time to spend with my friends after work. (WHAT TIME? Oh. Meet at 3am? I don't think so.)

See? Even Sharon has the time to spend out with Rod each time she finishes her shift. And STILL have time to go online without having to go past her bedtime. Heck. It's almost like the school hours except that you have no homework but have money instead. ZZZZZ.

I'm done with the day. As I should ~~always~~ at least try to be happy, I shall. No point depleting my energy and just wasting one of the nicest meal I've had just now for lunch. (Yes. Maggi noodles can be damn nice if you haven't had an appetite or even a proper lunch/dinner in days.) In fact, I don't think I have any energy left. It's like I wanna go back to sleep again. And hibernate. ZZZZZ. Off to contemplate.

Ciaoness.

Oli

PS: I hope this blog doesn't turn into a complain blog. It's just so not me. Stupid raging hormones.

Sunday, January 14, 2007; 1:53 pm

Not Happy. Not Hyper. Just moody.

Today. I. Am. Not. Happy.

It started out with a fine nice happy day with no rain and a perfect opportunity to get out and have a nice stretch on my sister's blades, with the rest of them (Matt, Shar, Furt, Rod, Darr) and have a little nice skate/cycling/playing soccer in East Coast Park.

WHOOSH!

The bloddy rain came.

1. It caused Shar to get her stuff with buddy buddy Rod to redeem her vouchers and catch a movie in the cinema and have a nice little cosy entertainment "TV" for $9.50. So much for wearing the same shirt today. (WHICH WE DID! WHOOT!*I'm editing this post. ~^_^~*) =_=

2. We can't really do anything with the farking rain.

3. I was at the interchange sitting on the railings, waiting to get on the bus with them. Basil called to ask whether they wanted to play soccer and THEY decided to go to ECP to play while i comfortably listened to my MP3. They asked me if i wanted to go and i just said a simple "yes". Next thing i know, on saturday, everyone's asking ME what time to meet??? FARK.

4. My area hurts for 4 days. And it's not getting any better.

5. I slept at 2am yesterday.

6. My parents bug me to eat when I told them a big fat "NO" and they still insist. do they understand english??? I can't eat when I've just woken up!

7. I ate a whole box of Chocobabies just to celebrate my day off from work and this SHIT has to get dumped on me. What a good life i lead.

8. My internet DCed on me and canceled my download on my simfiles. Fark. I wasted one whole night of electricity.

9. Menses is COMING. Period.

10. I am sleepy, tired, exhausted from staying up late and next week is another week of hell.

There. My complaints for the day. I am feeling a teensy weensy itsy bitsy better after talking all this ~~crap~~ beautiful nice complaints I have. I have to go meet the remaining 2 guys who actually bother not to pang sei on people and last minute NOT come for the outing they agreed to attend last Sunday and nicely asked me to oraganised, Thank You Very Much.*bows* I think I'm gonna be in a bad mood for 1 more hour before I become all nice and happy again. So much for mood swings. No mood to even type now. (This is a stupid whiny entry. Forgive me for my lameness. =___________=)

God Bless You If You EVER Stray On My Path For The Next 1 Hour.
(I was only pissed for 15 minutes. =.=)

Oli