Why on earth is it so hard to let go?
Why on earth is it so frightening to be lonely?
Why on earth is there is such a thing as separation?
You know, I miss everyone. I miss Mel Q. Mummy. Where art thou?
I miss Mel C. I don't have a clue as to what on earth she's doing in her JC. All I get is a response like: sweet place and fun shit! :D
..... No descriptions. I know I know. I know she doesn't want to talk about how things are going. Bad stuff that no one would want to reminisce but yet, I just wanna let her know I'm here to talk to. To be with. To share your joys and pain. That's what best friends are for. Instead of bottling it up inside and to just let it out. However, it's like... We're aliens.
... Where are you?
I miss Cheryl Tan. The heart-to-heart sessions. The talks an being confidantés during the "trial". The tuitions. We ain't gonna have those anymore.
...
I miss Sharon.
Not going to elaborate. Under certain circumstances. But I do miss her. It's like... So near yet so far. It's like I kinda envy someone, but I know I Just Can't Help It. It's to the point where I'm turning into an Emo Kid. Something has been taken away and you can feel it's absence.
Being concerned for someone while teasing sure plays a hard role. Especially when you get funny nicknames back. And sometimes, it hurts. Because you know things are never gonna be the same. It's not like sisters anymore. No matter how hard you try to let it be, Shar. It's not the same anymore.
You know, I'm starting to realise that Krishna was right. He so is. Everything comes together only to go apart again. And it hurts. It hurts a whole lot. Truth can be so harsh to the point that I just wanna live in my own fantasy and not wake up.
As I write this, the river flows, the waves crash and the waters comes to a dead end. Time passes and I surrender to its clutches. Taking up the sack, it proves to be a long and harsh journey with thunder clouds and blisters ahoy. But the outside can prove to be such a deceitful and all but a pack of lies. A pack of lies, that refuses to face the music. Yet, you just know that one day you can be alright again.
But not for now.
You know, people have always known me to be the boisterious, jumpy, old little fella that can't stand being called short. Yet, "A smile can cover a million tears." (Only on rare occasions though. Not Oli for nothing.) Remember that.
I may not be what I seem.
Yet I do.
The truth yet not the truth. I'm naive to the world. ((really... I can notice minute details yet miss out on the whole picture. Or do the vice versa.)) A 3rd party who watches the world go by. Couples everywhere, love flows through time and stuff taken, deed never forgotten.
*sigh* I'm not as simple as I look. But yet I know I'm a simple-minded person. Ironically, I think too much for my own good. Yet I forget what I think. (which is stupid I may say so myself *smiles*)
I have to continue to try. No matter how hard. No matter how lonely. Spread my wings and fly once more, soaring the skies. I have to continue to struggle within myself. It's not others that should be taking the blame but myself. Blame it on my attachment if you must. *I NEED A SCISSORS! WHERE ART THOU?!!!* But "No one wants to be lonely" right? Even so, I gotta face it on with an open eye. Although, the journey will be tough, but deep inside, I know it can bring new discoveries. About myself and everyone around me.
But on the other hand,
It doesn't matter whether I get a thousand and one scoldings from Maggie Mee. (My supervisor)
It doesn't matter whether I get a thrashing from my parents or an overworkout from my job.
It doesn't matter whether I get a notice from my parents saying we have to migrate. (No worries. Not happening)
It doesn't matter whether I am half dead on my hospital bed.
It doesn't matter whether I have a totally packed schedule.
It doesn't matter whether I am going through a heartbreak myself.
Because YOU matter to me more than anything that ever happens to me. All of you out there. My dear ones. My closest friends. My bestie.
"Cherish what you have. For you may never know when you might lose them." and "Once taken for granted, now lost, and currently, longing." Friends can be so important yeah? Though, "Friends come and go but families will always be there.", I believe that friends play an even more crucial role to molding your life.
Enough said. I'm tired from being emo. All I'll do now, is just to rest well and charge my body for later. I'm not Oli if I'm too moody for far too long. too much Cheemilogy. Seriously, I think it's just the periods.
Welp. Time for me to be happy again. In fact, blogging can take a WHOOOLE load off your shoulders. Some stressball reliever for me. However...
I know some thoughts will never be shared.
Good day to you all out there and cheerios.
Oli
*bokutachi wa kono nagai
tabiji no hate ni nani o omou
dare mo minna ai motome
samayou tabibito nan darou
tomo ni ikou akiru hodo ni
English TranslationsAt the end of this long path,
what will we think?
Everyone is a traveller,
wandering about in search of love.
Let's go together until we tire of it.
~Ayumi Hamasaki (Voyage)
Get into good uni
Whooshies!
January 2007